Gas Station Culture

 

The Lounge

My mornings aren't so bad
Wake up in a bed all alone
Cuz some asshole honks his horn at 6 am
Cuz some asshole cut him off
I got 4 hours of sleep
No time for me to eat
Yeah my mornings are pretty bad

I'm late to class on daily basis
Staying up late debating stasis
What good am I if I can't truly say what I want
I'll be somewhere in the background
Till I make my way right out of town
Maybe they'll wonder where I went
Or maybe they'll be fine

I never really got relationships
Find someone who warms me
But I bite too early and burn my tongue
Shot myself with a loaded gun
I walk home in the rain
Cuz the cold doesn't bring me pain
It just brings me home

I'm late to class on daily basis
Staying up late debating stasis
What good am I if I can't truly say what I mean
Ill somewhere in the background
Till I make my way right out of town
Maybe they'll wonder where I went
Or maybe they'll be fine

My nights aren't so bad
Lay down in bed, feeling low
When some asshole honks his horn at 2 am
I guess some things never change
I'll think when my mind is pretty weak
I dont have the energy to speak
But my nights they aren't so bad

 

Windows

Windows, I've lost hundreds of hours
Staring through them
Nothing is changed when I get back in my mind
Time to erase all of my creative freedom

Cuz the table we're at has got a card on the black little booklet they leave you, paying for two
And your plate's got some food left, you push it away
I ask for a box that you'll forget anyway

I'm tired of leaving
And your one handed hugs
I'm the bug on your window that you can not seem to crush
Cuz compassion’s telling you I couldn't do much if i tried
Will I try?

Hallways, some have doors
Others are straight ahead
With no other choice but to walk the line
Signs of danger leave no meaning when you're already dead

When the function is over, I stay the night
You're always right, I've got no fight
I'd call out your name, you'd probably answer
And I'd avoid confrontation, tell you that you forgot your sweater
And it's cold outside
Careful driving home tonight

I'm tired of leaving
And your one handed hugs
I'm the bug on your window that you can not seem to crush
Cuz compassion’s telling you i couldn't do much if i tried
Will I try?
When will I try?

Irrational

I do the opposite of the voice
I live by making lots of noise
And I wake up to go to sleep
These dreams, they're made of glue and paper
A whole lot of hurry and wait here
Never enough to make the ends meet

Why would I sing, if I don't like hearing my voice
If I don't have anything to say
Cuz I don't feel like I have a choice
There's no other way
Some might call that irrational

I don't take many chances
People are afraid of change
And that's why I say goodbye
When I really want to say goodnight
And goodmorning, instead I'm mourning
A lack of courage and a never ending "why"

I wanna be mute
Still I want to be heard
It’d take a fluke
And it's a bit absurd
These contradicting thoughts
Are creating dots 

For me to connect
No confrontation from a constellations gonna get me out of this wreck
I must have a defect

 

Four Leaf

Dear mystery
I hope this letter finds you accordingly
Honestly your monopoly on my mind
Is taking up all my time
I'm getting tired of wishing
The sky is running out of stars
People tell me keep fishing
But I don't want to make things harder for you

So I keep pulling these four leaf clovers
Waiting for my life to push me forward
I spend my life on a treadmill
I'm working hard to just stand still
I'm standing still

I'm still writing here
My thoughts they become a consuming fear
I'm a hesitant person persisting
I'm missing a chance
After the moment is when I have the answer
You've already gotten home
My nights a disaster
And I don't have the guts to be on my own

So I keep pulling these four leaf clovers
Waiting for my life to push me forward
I spend my life on a treadmill
I'm working hard to just stand still
I'm standing still

I can’t write your name because I'm insane
I do the same things you respond the same way
When I'm with you my fears melt away
If were both happy, what's more to say?

So I keep pulling these four leaf clovers
Waiting for my life to push me forward
I spend my life on a treadmill
I'm working hard to just stand still
I keep killing these four leaf clovers
I'm falling down, and not moving forward
As I fall off this moving treadmill
I will no longer be standing still

Quicksand

I've been told that history repeats
But not about the wars, it's how people tend to sleep
When I wake up, I'm colder than the night before
The night before I had thoughts running marathons
And these thoughts they keep running all night long

I've got a sinking feeling in my stomach
That something isn't right
This story's already been told
I'm not finding happiness tonight

I have conversations in my head
And I've lived a lifetime in a breath
The scenarios I see they cause me to worry
The worry causes fury cuz I can't communicate
The thoughts I have, so I wait

Or tomorrow
The days they don't change a thing
I'll be climbing while I'm away
No practice brings me out of the shade
And into the light
The shadows leave me second guessing the night
Am I alright?

Looks like you're finding happiness tonight

 

Big Plans

Denim jacket and earrings
Skinny jeans with a black band tee
Going out, coming home, and being happy
That's how the night was supposed to go
Combed my hair and checked my ego
When you said "I’m sorry
I forgot about tonight.
I'm out with someone other than you."
The sorrow comes in waves and sticks like glue

Make plans that are planned to fall through
I know you're flaky, better switch to a new brand of shampoo
Been looking forward to this all week
Humans forget, I guess I'll just go to sleep

Hoodie, slippers, and ear buds
Baggy jeans with a blood stained tee
Staying in, overeating, feeling misplaced
That's how my days usually go by
Turn up the music, let out a sigh
Waiting to hear back
I won't hear anything from you
For at least another 2 weeks
Appointment scheduled, sir please take a seat

Make plans that are planned to fall through
I know you're flaky, better switch to a new brand of shampoo
I've been looking forward to this all week
Humans forget, I guess I'll just go to sleep

Checking out of my mind
I'm tired of being stood up all the time
Fuck the daily grind, trying to make you happy
Something I will never be

Make plans that are planned to fall through
I know you're flaky, better switch to a new brand of shampoo
I've been looking forward to this all week
Humans forget, I guess I'll just go to sleep

Daytime TV

Seeing you was the worst part of my day
Not because of you but because of him
So I'm sitting next to you with a bummed out grin
Wishing for these thoughts to just go away
Please just go

I can be such a pessimist
Damp from morning mist
The sun rises so we can watch it set
Fist bump with the abyss
Wrapped up in winter's kiss
It's the only one I'll ever get
Please don't go

I've been watching daytime TV
I'm really hoping that nobody will see me
I'm so sick counting all the money I've spent
Starving myself so I can pay rent

I've been catching sun rays in my car
Always going somewhere never to arrive
Running from my problems never works that's why I drive
Wishing for my gas light to go away
Please just go

Apologizing for something I said
Apologizing cause my cheeks are red
Killing time while I wait for the day to end
Get addicted to all my meds
Getting tired of being mislead
I think I've run out of friends
They just go

 

Spunk

While I’ve been staring at the ceiling
I've been thinking about
How I see myself
This issue of self confidence
It's been abundant
And I'm redundant when I explain

When I think of you
I see everything I'm missing
It's not hard to see that I've been kidding myself
When I say I've got nothing to lose
I've got so much to lose

You've got Spunk
And I've got dreams
I'm a sailboat
And I'm lost at sea
Can I wash up on your shores?
I couldn't ask for anything more

It's always puzzling
To solve problems that don't exist
Anywhere outside of my pondering
Of situations that I'll always miss

Do you think of me
See a single thing you're wishing for?
Is it hard to see anything more than a kid
Who thinks that he has got something to prove
I've got so much to prove

I can't express the way you impress
All I know is my own experience
Nothing lives up to your elegance
I can't digest your lack of interest
Do you even take me serious
Would you even take me?

Ice Breaker

We've been ice skating
While I've been waiting
To break the ice
Skating around the thoughts i have
What will I say when you come back
There won't be any saving
Cause I'm prone to failing
These kind of social situations
I've never learned the rules of the game
Rules just get made to be broken

Better to take the fall
Than to never try at all
I can't take the risk
So instead I'll stall
I'm an altruist, with a wistful wish
You'll be happy, because ignorance is bliss

We're still out driving
Feels like I'm flying
No questions are asked
Some small talk around current events,
Doing a dance around what's on my mind
Tomorrow I'll be buying
At least I'm trying
Is the effort still noble?
I'll always be driving you home

I don't need mercury
To tell me when the temperature rises
Look at the horizon
I'm kind of skittish
And not too great with English
When it comes to describing the beauty I see

 

Good Intentions

I don't say much out loud
It sounds better up in my head
It builds up like a rain cloud
Storming down, contradicting what I said
I'm feeling more open, it's not what I hoped
All of my big plans in bundles of smoke
I spoke out of turn and I'm burned
Fuel the furnace and furnish my feelings of feeling alone

Good intentions
Keep on falling short
Of who I aim to please
Piece by piece

I could be fluent in french
My own language is foreign to me
My whole day is spent on the fence
On whether it's worth it to fight or just flee
I'm fighting myself over every mistake
Flooring the gas while I'm slamming the brake
I pace while I wait for my racing mind to run out of gas

Good intentions
Keep on falling short
Of who I aim to please
Piece by piece
A single feather
Would topple me over
I'm trapped in a choke hold
When all that I wanted to do
Was make it clear to you
That I care

I'm wasting my time
While my thoughts all rewind
Emotions grid locked
Still the feeling never stops
Good intention
Yet it seems it's all for naught
Cause now the heart of the message has been forgot

Young Adults

I don't go to college
School dropped out of me
A financial casualty
That I don't need
I can't work a job
That would suck my soul away
Until I've reached my dying day
Wake, sleep, repeat

But if I grow some facial hair
And stop wearing colored jeans
Start wearing button downs
I'd be taken seriously
I'm too young to drink my dreams away
I can smoke every single day
But what good is that?
I'm too old to act like I'm a kid
I pay taxes and all that shit
But what good is that?

I can't buy you a beer
It's the natural currency
Of my whole industry
And I hate tea
Still I play music
And since I'm under 21
I'm not allowed to have fun
At least not the kind we see
In movies and TV

What's the point of all these years?
I could die in a war before I'm old enough to drink away the tears
They'll never adhere
If you're over the age, why wage a war on the rules that play to your own superiority

I keep growing out my hair
And I'm tearing up my jeans
I'm wearing out my band tees
You couldn't catch me wearing khakis
I'm too weird to sit in with the best
I can hope
But what good is that?
In dim light I sing and play guitar
I got dreams to go real far
But what good is that?

 

Candid

I know I'm not the man you expect of me
Sometimes a kid in a suit coat is all we can be
I'm so past waiting for a text back
I know you'll get to it when you have time
Give it a couple days and I’ll crack
I'll still be telling you that I'm fine

Come on grow up
You'll tell me when I play my music
No way in hell
It keeps me going more than you did

Feel free to let me know when you'll be done
Leading me down a rabbit hole of indecision
We're all confused, don't try to pull that card on me
We all have dreams, donned in wet concrete
Let it dry and sink in, realize that we're all a lost cause

A candid contestant for creating the perfect amount of disappointment
Looks like I'm going somewhere, when I lose the wheel and slide off of the pavement
The only place I'm going is 6 feet under in a couple dozen years
The only question is what I do while I sit and wait in fear
When you smile, it takes my heart a while to slow back down
When I'm alone, I sit on a throne of sorrow in a matching crown